As much as I hated all the melodramatic saas-bahu serials that came on television, my breakup was pretty much what cheesy scripts were made of. It was messy, ugly and took away the last shred of dignity I had.
Think Alice Cooper eyes (with all the crying), zombie walks (with less sleeping), drunk dialing and abusing (the worst). And all of this was not because the guy was such a horrible person, but more so because I handled the situation in an immature way.
So what can one do with this ocean of unpleasant experiences? Just learn from them to be wiser the next time.
Here are 5 tough rules checklist which I made myself to handle my future breakups. Think of it as a love breakup guide.
1). Do not be in denial
Among the whirlwind of emotions that I went through after the relationship failure, such as rejection, sorrow, depression, one of the worst was being in denial.
Here is the thing, the ego always has a way of not letting you feel what you really have to. So I held on to my ego for the longest time, pretending that it did not affect me and putting on a brave front.
What happened was when the floodgates of emotions did get open, the intensity was too much for me to handle and I just lost the plot. It took me more than two years to get out of that mind state.
What I learnt the hard way is the sooner you acknowledge your situation, the quicker you come out of it.
Nobody is telling you to announce it to the world, but just to yourself. Plus, it is easier to deal with the problem when you know what it is.
The best thing to do at this moment is seek professional help from a psychotherapist. A good counsellor can really stop you from going off the rails and give you a fresh perspective in life.
2). Do not take to the bottle
Sure, the prospect of drowning one’s sorrows in a champagne supernova sounds attractive but that can only lead to other problems.
Isn’t there is enough to deal with at the moment? Me taking to the bottle brought about further havoc in my life. People got fed up of me and my behaviour only amplified my depression and identity crisis.
Suddenly, my circle of friends started diminishing. Also, the most embarrassing part was calling my ex and yelling at him.
Trust me, you do not want to feel what you do the next day. It was as if your heart is being shattered my glass into a million pieces.
You have no face and lose self-respect in front of others as well as yourself. I feel a better way of venting out and dealing with the emotions is writing down what I feel.
It does make me feel a whole lot better.
3). You have to give yourself importance
Here is the irony, if I had given myself self-importance during the relationship; I probably have had more of his respect while we were still dating.
I made him the centre of my universe and needless to say, my universe was shattered after we parted. As easy as it is to get swayed into oblivion at this point of time, it is vital that you give yourself importance.
It is the little things like eating right, squeezing in the time for exercising and doing what you love that can really help in dealing with the post-breakup symptoms in a positive and nurturing manner.
And the best part is that you feel good about yourself and that just reflects on the outside.
4). Do not neglect what you have
We human beings can be rather self-involved and this especially holds true post a love break up. It is ‘our sorrow’ and ‘our depression’.
Amidst all of this, we neglect what we have such us our family job.
Here is a simple truth, no matter what you have been through, the world will still go on the next day the way it has to.
There will still be night and day and life will proceed as usual.
When you put a stop to these things, the only person who suffers is you. People will be sympathetic for some days but then they would expect you to get your stuff together and deliver.
As much as you would like to drown in a pool of your own sorrow of being alone, you should not neglect what you have.
5). You have to let go
In all of this, one of the most important lessons that I got was learning to let go. As much as we have our own rosy picture of life, it does not always turn out that way.
Most of us have loved and lost at some point of time. It does not mean that either of us is wrong or not capable of love, it means that we need to evolve as human beings and that there is a higher scheme of things.
The day that I let go was the day that things suddenly started shaping up for me.
I must admit, I do still stalk him on Facebook and Instagram from time to time out of curiosity but I know that on a soul level I have released the attachment that I had towards him.
It is astonishing how you land up hating the person who meant the world to you.
But what is truly divine is that after all the curses; anger and hatred, the pain and anxiety wash away one day. What remain are the memories that you are secretly glad to have accumulated.
So for all of you who are heartbroken out there and undergone a love failure, I would like to part with some bits and pieces of the song ‘November Rain’ by Guns N’ Roses
‘But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn’t time be out to charm you…
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
Even cold November rain…’