People in relationships need to foremost understand that there is nothing as a ‘perfect relationship’. It’s the mutual respect and love that keep things in the right direction. That is, respect and love for self, each other, and for the relationship. But there are other facets of healthy, long-lasting relationships. At Cafe Counsel, our experts felt the need to communicate and reach out to the maximum number of people with the 80/20 relationship principle.
Apparently one of the most important facet of healthy relationships is 80/20 relationship principle. The theory isn’t complex at all. Understand that humans, are always looking for things that they don’t have (the grass is always greener on the other side. Remember?). So, generally, when in a relationship you get about 80 percent of what you want. This sounds pretty good because it’s such a high percentage. However, you are also craving for that other 20 percent. You tend to fight over it, break up over it and complain about it because you always want what you don’t have. Say for instance, your partner is great – loyal, loving, supportive, and caring. However, he or she is not as social as you. So, instead of focusing on the 80 percent of things you are actually receiving, you focus on the 20 percent that shows your partner being antisocial. And that’s when problem arises in your relationship while you tend to mend up that 20 percent. In this post, we will cover the common mistakes people make when it comes to the 80/20 rule.
Don’t always crave for more
The 80/20 percent rule in relationships can sometimes cause trouble especially to those who insists on getting their missing 20%. The rule does not exist to remind you of the things you can’t have but rather as an eye opener to help you realize that you really cannot have everything and that’s okay. That would mean a perfect relationship which is not really possible. Some people do not believe this to be true and end up losing the genuine relationship.
Don’t expect 50-50 contribution always
True relationships are always built on adjustments and compromises and that necessarily don’t mean it has to be done evenly. The reality is that sometimes the balance is 80/20. It may so happen that you have to adjust more than your partner but that’s fair to do as far as it’s worth it. To maintain a healthy relationship, you have to understand and know that, sometimes you need to give a bit more while your partner focuses on other things, whether it’s the job, a personal issue, a family matter, etc.
Don’t ponder on blame game
It’s always easy to put blame on your partner for any given matter but for a healthy relationship, it’s best to avoid the blame game. It takes two to make a relationship so it might be unfair to only take credit while dishing out all the negative aspects on your partner. Even in situations where the fault of the other person is more but remember there’s a little of your contribution too (80/20 works here as well). Maybe you could get what you are missing if you lowered your criteria a bit more, or changed your views a bit in order to balance it well with your lovely partner. So coming to terms with the fact that you too can be at fault will help the relationship rather than hindering it.
Don’t focus on the ‘don’t have’
Stop looking so much at what is missing and be thankful for what you already have going for your relationship. This is the golden take of any healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on the positive and cherishing what we have already, we tend to focus more on what we could have had. While you just need to do the opposite.
And not only in relationship, acknowledging the positive things in your life will only push you towards good things. Don’t feel unhappy on what’s missing; rather feel blessed about what you are having.
If you are still finding it difficult and cribbing a lot about the negatives, speak to our expert counselors and seek help. You can also write to us on firstname.lastname@example.org