For most of us mothers mean the whole world. And why not, after all they are the ones who shower unconditional love and care even before we enter this world. It’s the most special bond. But you may face a situation where your husband’s world begins and ends only with his mother. Are you facing days that begin with words of appreciation for “mom used to cook my favorites every day” and ends with stories of what a wonder his mom is! She is there in almost all of the conversations and her advices matter the most in every decision you make as a couple even though she may not be staying with you. In other words, he’s a total mama’s boy? He seeks out advice on all things, including little things of life, from her and has a tough time telling her no without feeling super guilty. Before you let the resentment continue to build or, worse, take matters into your own hands and try to resolve them with these tips.
Set boundaries as a couple
Let your husband set some boundaries with his mother or his parents. And the same applies for you too. The most important thing for you to do is not go at this head-on, as calling him a mama’s boy or accusing her of interference will almost always backfire. Instead, help your husband come to the conclusion regarding the appropriate role for his mom or for any of your parents. It’s best to have a discussion on boundaries with all family members and friends. This way you can keep it from being focused solely on his mom.
Discuss the expectations you have of each other
Discuss what you both want from this relationship. Let him know that you cannot treat, cook or take care of him exactly like his mother because you are not his mother. Convey that you are his better half and comparing you with his mother will only make things complicated. Also try and make him understand that nobody can take place of our parents especially our mom, so his desire of you taking on a motherly role will only be discourteous towards his mom.
Befriend with his mother
Make an effort to befriend his mom and show that you are not trying to break the bond between her and her son. That way she will understand and be more likely to support your relationship. When we are say be friends, we aren’t asking you to constantly hang out or chitchat. But do put forth the effort to form a bond and find some common ground. And sweet gestures like gifting her something she loves or inviting her for an outing and lunch will only make her feel good. Additionally, it will mean a lot to your husband because he’ll see that you’re trying to understand his relationship with his mom, rather than eliminate her from your life. It’s much better for you to be friends with his mom, rather than view her as an obstacle in your relationship.
Open up to his mother about the whole thing
While bonding with his mother, be honest about how you feel, and explain some of your expectations from your relationship with her son. If you are able to communicate this to his mother, she will understand your perspective, and realize that you only want what’s best for her son, and your relationship. What is most important to this woman is her son’s happiness so make sure she knows you are capable of keeping her son happy.
The good news about this whole “mamma’s boy” is that the way your husband treats his mother is a pretty solid indicator of how he’ll treat you. So don’t be all negative about it. Try to inspire some positive changes with the above tips. And if you still seek counseling or advice, we are here to help you out.